Prepare for divorce mediation by finding out how your session will work, gathering the information requested, and separating decisions you can discuss from questions that need independent legal or financial advice. Preparation does not require planning to resolve every issue in one session.
Interactive checklist
Start here
Complete these steps before you build a detailed proposal.
Know what mediation can and cannot do
The American Bar Association describes mediation as a process in which an impartial third person helps participants communicate, identify issues, exchange information, explore options, and make their own agreements. The mediator does not decide the result and does not act as either participant's lawyer. Mediation is not a substitute for independent legal advice or therapy.
A court or program may require people to attend mediation, but a mediator does not impose an agreement. The rules that govern attendance, confidentiality, private sessions, lawyers or support people in the room, written proposals, and court approval depend on the jurisdiction and the mediation program. Ask for those rules before you share sensitive information or make a decision.
Clarify the process before the session
Read every notice, intake form, agreement to mediate, and document request you receive. Keep any court deadline separate from the mediation date. If a direction is unclear, ask the mediator, program coordinator, court self-help service, or your lawyer who can answer it.
What issues are included in this mediation, and which issues are outside its scope?
Will participants meet together, separately, online, or in a combination of formats?
Who may attend, and may a lawyer, advocate, interpreter, support person, or specialist participate?
What will remain confidential, what exceptions apply, and what may be reported to the court?
What information must be exchanged, when is it due, and how should it be sent securely?
How are fees divided, and what happens if the session runs longer or another session is needed?
Who records any understanding, and when does a proposal become signed, enforceable, or subject to court approval?
What happens next if participants resolve only some issues or reach no agreement?
Organize information without deciding the outcome
Use the mediator's or court's request as your main document list. If you are still building the broader picture, start with the divorce preparation guide and use the financial checklist to organize financial records and professional questions. The categories below are prompts, not a statement that every item is required. Share records only through an approved method, and keep account numbers and other private data out of ordinary email when a safer process is available.
| Area | Current information to organize | Questions to note |
|---|---|---|
| Case and process | Court notices, current orders, prior written agreements, and the mediator's requests | Which deadlines or current orders remain in effect during mediation? |
| Finances | Income records, recent tax returns, account statements, debts, recurring expenses, insurance, retirement plans, and business records requested for the session | Is information missing, disputed, outdated, or in need of professional analysis? |
| Property | Homes, vehicles, household items, other property, loans, ownership records, and any available valuations | Which ownership, classification, value, tax, transfer, or refinancing questions need advice? |
| Children and care | Current school, childcare, medical, activity, transport, communication, and overnight routines | What would a workable ordinary week, holiday, school break, exchange, and decision process require? |
| Housing and household | Current housing costs, utilities, access needs, pets, personal property, mail, and practical move questions | Which choices depend on legal rights, affordability, safety, timing, or another person's approval? |
| Support and other payments | Current payment arrangements and the factual inputs requested by the mediator, court, or lawyer | Which calculations, tax effects, or legal standards require a qualified professional? |
Sort priorities, preferences, unknowns, and advice questions
A single list of demands is hard to use when new information appears. Sort each issue into four columns instead. A priority is an outcome or condition that matters most. A preference is one workable way to address it. An unknown is information you still need. An advice question belongs with a lawyer, financial professional, tax professional, or another qualified specialist.
For example, keeping a child's school week predictable may be a priority. A specific exchange time may be a preference. An unconfirmed work schedule is an unknown. Whether a proposed schedule fits local law or an existing order is a question for a lawyer. This method helps you revise a proposal without losing track of the reason behind it.
Prepare for the day itself
Treat the session as a long appointment. Confirm when to arrive or log in, how long to reserve, and whether breaks are planned. Arrange childcare and transport without assuming the session will end at an exact time. Bring water, medication, a calendar, the requested records, your issue list, and a way to take private notes.
Ask for an interpreter or accessibility accommodation as early as the program requests. For an online session, test the link, audio, camera, charger, and internet connection. Use a private location where another person cannot overhear, view documents, or enter unexpectedly. Ask the mediator before recording any part of the session.
Plan a simple pause phrase such as, "I need a break to review this." Know how to contact your lawyer or another advisor if a question comes up. Do not rely on memory for new figures or terms. Write them down and mark anything that needs verification.
Review before you agree or sign
Before you accept or sign anything, ask what the document is called, what it covers, what remains unresolved, and what legal effect it may have. Compare every term with your notes. Check names, dates, amounts, deadlines, property descriptions, payment methods, parenting details, and the steps required from each person.
The 2025 Model Standards for Family and Divorce Mediation say an independent attorney should review an agreement before it is signed or finalized and that participants should have time to reflect. Ask a lawyer in your jurisdiction what review is available and whether signing, filing, or court approval changes the agreement's effect. Do not assume a verbal understanding, mediator summary, memorandum, signed agreement, and court order are interchangeable.
If you are arranging an initial consultation, take the divorce lawyer question worksheet with you and add the agreement-review questions that matter for your session.
Track follow-up after the session
Leave with a written list of what was resolved, what remains open, who will draft or revise documents, and each next date. Record who must supply missing information and how it will be exchanged. If another session is planned, note what needs professional advice before then.
Send requested records through the agreed secure method.
Correct factual mistakes in a draft and keep a copy of every version.
Ask your lawyer and other advisors to review the parts within their expertise.
Confirm any signing, filing, payment, transfer, court, or future mediation date.
Ask your lawyer whether current orders remain in effect and note when any authorized change takes effect.
Printable worksheet
Printable divorce mediation worksheet
Print this worksheet and keep it private. It is a preparation aid, not a legal agreement or an online form. Do not write full account numbers, passwords, Social Security numbers, or other details you would not want exposed.
1. Session details
Confirm these details with the mediator, program, court, or your lawyer.
Date, start time, expected end time, location or secure video link, fees, and contact person:
Include the time zone for an online session.
Who will attend, and what permission or advance notice is needed for a lawyer, advocate, interpreter, support person, or specialist?
Questions about confidentiality, private sessions, document exchange, breaks, recording, drafting, and what happens if no agreement is reached:
2. Safety and participation
Discuss safety concerns privately with a qualified advocate, lawyer, and mediator.
What would help me participate safely and speak freely?
Possible questions may concern separate arrival, waiting areas, separate or remote sessions, communication rules, breaks, an advocate, or another process. A professional must assess what is suitable.
3. Information status
Track categories, not private account details.
Information requested and ready:
List document categories and dates only.
Information missing, outdated, disputed, or held by someone else:
4. Issue map
Repeat these four prompts for each issue you expect to discuss.
Priority: What outcome or condition matters most, and why?
Preferences: What options could meet that priority?
Unknowns: What facts, dates, amounts, documents, or other information still need verification?
Advice questions: What must I ask a lawyer, financial professional, tax professional, or another qualified specialist?
5. Proposal review
Use this section for review planning, not to approve terms.
Who will review a written proposal, how will I reach them, and how much time will I request before signing or finalizing?
Terms that need clarification, factual checking, professional advice, or another discussion:
6. Follow-up
Complete this section at the end of the session.
Resolved issues, open issues, missing information, responsible person, and next date:
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What this guide does not cover
This guide provides general organizational information for adults in the United States. Mediation rules, confidentiality, required disclosures, attendance, enforceability, court approval, and the roles of mediators and lawyers vary by jurisdiction and program. The guide cannot assess whether mediation is safe or suitable in an individual case, interpret a proposed agreement, value property, calculate support, or provide legal or financial advice.